I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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