i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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