i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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