Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
