i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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