I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
