i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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