I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is my gift to your gina
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
