Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
