I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
