imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
