im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
