Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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