Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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