Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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