I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
