All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize