After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
