What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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