It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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