Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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