I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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