wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
