She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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