Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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