so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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