so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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