he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
