and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
