listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
