It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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