Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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