Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
