youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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