Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I want her autograph on my taint
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
and you fell through a lawn chair
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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