My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
