Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
