Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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