the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
