I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
