I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
