I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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