My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
