Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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