I like my sex mixed with concussions.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
