There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
