i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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