I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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