Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
