I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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