Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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