The maid of honor just puked.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
