turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
