I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
