What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
