Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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