They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
