I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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