at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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