Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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