I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
