Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
